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Posts Tagged ‘judgement’

Right Brain

Posted by Amanda Gray on March 23, 2014


Sufferin’ Subterranean Subconscious Subterfuge!  Digging a little further under the surface of some of life’s little goings ons, I’m starting to think about the concept of ‘work’ vs. ‘play’.  About a year ago, I decided that I wasn’t going to ‘work’ anymore – I was only ever going to ‘play’.  It’s all a matter of thought anyway, so why shouldn’t I simply decide for what I really want?  Well, that was all well and good, and I proceeded, in general, to live accordingly, yet now I see that I’ve had an underlying belief system that has been surreptitiously objecting.

I see it from my experience at the Living Miracles Monastery in Utah, when I got a terrible migraine headache that prevented me from joining in a much desired project to paint the tipi.  I simply couldn’t allow myself to enjoy the project.  In essence, I punished myself for my creative desire.

I also see it from my recent clown workshop.  The first two days were excellent and full-on, but the final two days were difficult because I was in a lot of resistance.  Particularly, I was resistant to moving my body, to open-heartedly playing with the group – and even more specifically – joining freely with the (in my opinion) more physically rambunctious boys.  Instead of saying, “yes” to the experience, I began to say “no.”

I also see it from my recent firing at work.  Particularly, since starting, I kept a fundamental attitude of ‘play’.  It made the day go by more pleasantly to maintain this attitude, and, particularly when I felt most down or resistant, I made concerted efforts to change my mind as soon as possible.  One of the other mental adjustments I was practicing regularly was to speak freely with my customers – even if I was feeling angry, tired, sick – all the entirely human qualities a customer service person isn’t supposed to share.  After some experimentation, I learned that people would allow me to say anything as long as my intention was relaxed, open and sharing – and I learned that limits only occurred if my intention slipped to attack, judgement or punishment.  As I learned this, I began to share myself more and more freely – and, especially as I began to know people more personally –I tentatively shared my sense of humour – which, at times, could be obtusely abstract, playfully teasing, or confusingly deadpan.  I was learning about it for myself along the way, as well, and it would surprise me at times, as much as it might surprise the customer.  So, it wasn’t entirely a shock to hear that some customers didn’t understand my humour and complained to the boss.  I now think it’s particularly interesting that I was ‘judged’ and  ‘punished’ (losing my job) for expressing myself more freely, openly and honestly – and just as I was genuinely allowing my sense of humour to come out and play.

This all leads me to a realization that I must still hold a deeper belief about personal self-expression; a belief that I must repress my natural expression for fear of being misunderstood, judged and punished.  I must have fears about playing openly with others, and sharing my stranger – but also more unique and interesting – quirks.  I can also see how this connects to my early childhood experience when, in the exuberance and excitement of playing with some older boys, it got me into life-threatening trouble.  I bet I decided then that ‘play’ – right brain, creative, abstract – was bad or dangerous, and I abandoned it, completely, in favour of the serious, safe, logical, fact based left brain.  I think most of us do it.  As adults, we decide that life is about ‘work’ and we forget about the joy, light and freedom of our curious, lively, foolish inner child.  We forget our child’s easy laughter and the ability to accept others however they are in every moment.  We begin to think our ‘judgement’ will protect us.  We begin to ‘juice’ our grievances and let our thoughts linger on the ‘injustices’ we face.  We begin to believe that other people are ‘against’ us – that they’re only there to present obstacles to our desires – and that the only way to get what we want is to manipulate, force or remove these obstacle-people.  We think that if we could just remove everybody, perhaps we’ll finally get the peace and freedom we feel entitled to.

But it’s a lie.  A pretty convincing set of concepts, I’ll give it that, but entirely, a grievous, pitiful lie.  The left brain is extremely limited.  It can only give us what it ‘knows,’ which means it’s always bound by the past.  Only the right brain, the open aspect of mind that’s ‘unknown,’ can truly extend us into the infinite.

I expressed in my last post ( Kitties, Clowns, Authority and Desire ), that I LOVE my kitty clown, Zephyr.  What I realized in clown class, and what I’m accessing in that character, is my natural right brain creativity that feels SOOOOO FREE!!  It’s powerful because it’s the true self I always wanted to express, or, at least, it’s the denied and repressed part of myself that’s required for complete mental equilibrium.  My deepest desires and passions are linked in there too and, of course, as these passions awaken, they’ll probably drag out a few demons from the arcane depths too.

Which is fine.  It’s worth it.  I’m going there.  Nothing can stop me – except ME.  And, like A Course in Miracles says, “Truth will correct all errors in my mind.”  And so it will.  AMEN!


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Judgement, Control and Specialness

Posted by Amanda Gray on December 14, 2013

So… my improv class was excellent.  I learned a lot about improv, but, even greater, I used the situation to practice setting aside my inner judge.  I allowed no thoughts of wrongdoing by anyone, anyhow, even of myself.  Exclusively, I trusted every impulse to jump in, or stay out, what words came out of my mouth, how others reacted to me, how the games or scenes played out, or when the end of a scene arrived.  It was a great practice.  I simply never allowed my thoughts to linger upon negative or limiting ideas.  It allowed me to see how easily things went without constant weighing and analysis in my mind.  I’ve also been successful in extending the practice to the rest of my life now, as well.

I’ve also started looking at my anger.  One of the topics I could never address when I visited the Living Miracles Monastery was anger.  Back then, I couldn’t even admit to feeling it!  Now I see that I’ve been angry a lot, and sometimes, it’s even like a drilling jack hammer of attack thoughts that I can’t seem to turn off.  Looking deeper at the pattern, I see that it’s because I’ve been wanting to control other people.  Well, no kidding, Sherlock – of course that’s what an ego wants.  It’s chief modus operandi is to usurp the power of God!  Yet, by the desire to control, the underlying premise concludes that I don’t already have control and must GET it.  Which leads to the question: who’s dreaming this dream?  Of course, I’m doing this to myself.  The fear being that if I don’t control those people ‘out there’, they’ll hurt me – yet, if I decide not to use them to prove a belief that I’m weak and a victim – they CAN’T hurt me.  It all gets pretty twisted up in here!

Furthermore, I’m looking closer at my acting desire.  What is it for?  After my improv class, I see that there’s really no way to separate the acting from the actor and the root desire to be a special body.  This is important to see, because I must also see that even though I gave up my acting profession 10 years ago, I never gave up the desire for special attention.  I just moved the audience closer.  Now it’s my mom, or my friends, or my customers at the store.  I’m still – yes, no bones about it – CONSTANTLY, trying to USE them to get their attention and keep it, just so I can feel better about myself – so I can maintain a sense of ‘specialness’.

It’s interesting how this realization came about.  We have a customer at the store that we call ‘Our Favourite’.  But actually, we all hate her.  I quickly learned that if I help her, she’ll hijack me, make me lead her to every item on her shopping list, and even get me to carry out her three little bags of groceries before I can finally escape her. Along the way, she acts like she’s stupid and helpless, asks inane questions about the products, and, generally, impedes me from helping other customers.  She can be pleasant, but she can also be loud, demanding and has some kind of iron clad mental grip that I haven’t understood.  I learned that this customer makes me feel extremely angry, and rather than being able to extend my natural sense of helpfulness to her, instead, I feel obligated, hateful and, eventually, guilty.  She disturbs me so greatly, that, of course, I have to ask why.  What is it about her behaviour that I must hate and deny in my own behaviour?  I found myself using the word ‘vampire’ as I thought about her, and finally, this morning, I realized the lesson she was teaching.  She’s a vampire for attention!  Like ME!!!  And if I don’t get the attention I want, I become demanding and angry about it too.  She wants to control me to keep my attention and I don’t want to be controlled.  Does anyone???  AH-HA!

Well… ain’t that cute.  NOT!  That ‘control’ is a terrible burden to inflict upon my brothers and sisters.  And it keeps peace from my mind.  Do I want peace?  Then I must notice when I’m deliberately throwing it away.  And now that I’m wise to these particular antics, I can stop.  I want to stop.  No judgement – just go forward and ‘sin no more’.

With sincere thanks to ‘Our Favourite’ customer.

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Giving Myself Permission

Posted by Amanda Gray on October 27, 2013

It happened while I was watching the movie Flowers of War.  A scene with Christian Bale, dressed as a Catholic priest, telling a prostitute that he loves her, all of her, even, what might be considered, her shameful history.  Apparently, it was what I needed to hear too.  My heart filled with tenderness and love for these people – these actors – who I suddenly understood.  They might be wearing costumes, have various sets of ideas upon which they acted, but, beneath these affectations, there was a core that was – or at least, could be – REAL.  I saw that the actors power lay not in the affectations of personality, in the form of their bodies, or, even in the words they spoke, but in the very LIFE that flowed through them, and in the transmission of universal truth: the greatest unconditional love and acceptance – beyond any of our mere human imagining.

In that moment, I knew that I loved myself in this way, and I remembered that I once was, and could be again, that kind of actor.  I just had to give myself permission.  Whew!  A burden that I barely knew I was carrying, suddenly fell off.  I realized that I was holding an idea that, as an actor, I was fake, a liar, and a manipulator that merely used acting to get attention.  It may have been true in my past, when I was an actor-beggar: empty within, my hands reaching, folded like a cup, and begging anyone who passed to see me, recognize me… LOVE me!  But, like an addiction, no amount of attention was ever enough.  Thus my odyssey to depart entirely from the actor’s profession and ‘find myself’.

And so, thirteen years later, but suddenly, in an instant, I knew I was FOUND.  No longer empty, I was FULL inside – there WAS something REAL within – and, whatever this ‘energy’ was, it wanted to EXTEND itself.  What had changed?  I had simply forgiven myself.  I had never been fake, or a liar.  I had simply been wearing the clothes of illusion, as we all do in this human drama.  Yet, even as the clothes change, the ideas of ourselves shift, the conditions of our lives weather, what we truly ARE stays the same.  It’s the foundation, the rock, that can be trusted and built upon.

So, I began to gather myself for a comeback. Yes, I could be an actor again, and pursue this creative activity that I had always loved.  As much as I had tried, I could never truly deny this part of myself anyway, and it was only painful to suppress.  And, yes, I could, and wanted to, share this gift, this inner wealth and joy, with others.  I gave myself full permission and began to read plays, learn new monologues, lose weight, exercise, and practice singing.  I signed up for an improv class (starting next month).  I contacted a few agents.  I had a ton of renewed energy.  I truly valued myself again. My life had new meaning.

And it still does – it’s not in the past tense – but – I can’t just leave it alone and let it happen, I have to keep questioning it – am I falling into an ego trap?  Am I still just trying to use this ‘costume’ to get attention, to be different and special?

Then I started to notice what’s been inspiring me more recently: Russell Brand in various YouTube videos: unscripted words and ideas flowing out of his mouth like grand tapestries, his mind constantly exploding like a nuclear reactor!  And he’s much like my friend, Benjamin Smyth, in San Francisco – full on, no holds barred, anyplace and anytime, EXPRESSION! And also like David Bowie in his early years – an alien, a man from Mars – a shifting, diaphanous mystery! And they’re all much like the improvisers that I know and love (and still regularly dream about) in my home town. Ultimately, these people don’t require a script, or a stage, or a film set, or permission from anyone to express themselves – they just DO.  And they DO like they couldn’t stop themselves if they tried!

And I’ve been experimenting with these ideas in my own life – wherever I find myself: what if I just opened my mind and my

Kabuki Warrior

A creative disguise!

mouth and just SAID whatever was there?  Without editing myself?  Without judging it before it even has a chance?  And, what I’m learning is that amazing things are coming out – silly things – funny things – shocking things – but they’re all a thrill to witness and, surprise surprise, that others seem to really enjoy them too!  They’re not offended.  They don’t hate me.  They don’t want to kill me.  And I’m learning that my ideas aren’t insipid or meaningless, in fact, in the natural flow, they don’t ‘belong’ to ‘me’ at all!

In college, my classmates presented me with the “Story for All Occasions” award.  I’m sure they meant well, but I felt ashamed by it, ashamed of my predilection to incessantly talk about myself.  And so, I began to hold the idea that my natural expression was wrong, too excessive, or that there was nothing good or important in it.  Ultimately, I began to believe that I “had nothing to say.”  I began to move further and further away from natural expression:  I stopped doing improv and decided that I could only perform with a script; I stopped performing on stage and decided I could only do film; I stopped acting entirely and decided I had nothing creative to offer.  See, stepping back and closing off with greater and greater amounts of self editing.

Today I see that I don’t have to edit anymore, and I won’t.  That I don’t need a particular place or form, or anyone else’s permission to be and express myself. I don’t even have to call myself an ‘actor’.  There’s no difference between a stage, or a grocery store, or a street corner – I can BE what I am, fully, without conceit, and without shame, anywhere and anytime.  LIFE lives though me right NOW!  And it’s beautiful and magnificent and unfathomable – and rude, and loud, and shocking, and funny, and mischievous, and loving – and anything else that can (or can’t) be imagined!  And it’s ALL OK!!!  What it isn’t – is boring or predictable!

And that’s, most definitely, what I want, cherish and LOVE most!  Full on.  All in.  AMEN.


Post Script:  I notice that this post is almost exactly like the last (Follow the White Rabbit).   Strange.  Early onset Alzheimers?   A manifestation of ‘expression’ anxiety?  I don’t know.  I’ll just forgive myself for the silly repetition.  It begs the question: How can I be truly expressive if I’m merely regurgitating the past?


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Slippery, Slippery

Posted by Amanda Gray on March 14, 2012

This morning, I’m on crack.  Not literally.  I only use that phrase to describe a quality of feeling.  The ideas that came to me this morning are so out-of-the-box that they induce a feeling that’s sort-of like intoxication.  The revelations are so ephemeral, so “slippery”, that the mind can’t grasp them, and so it’s orientation becomes rather “spacey”.

I’m just going to write how it came to me, and you can make heads or tails of it as you like.

I began on page 312 of the Text of A Course in Miracles, The Holy Instant and Special Relationships.  It says:

The holy instant is the Holy Spirit’s most useful learning device for teaching you love’s meaning. For it’s purpose is to suspend judgement entirely. Judgement always rests on the past, for past experience is the basis on which you judge. Judgement becomes impossible without the past, for without it you do not understand anything. You would make no attempt to judge, because it would be quite apparent to you that you do not understand what anything means. You are afraid of this because you believe that without the ego, all would be chaos. Yet I assure you that without the ego, all would be love.

The past is the ego’s chief learning device, for it is in the past that you learned to define your own needs and acquired methods for meeting them on your own terms.

I saw this as the way in which I create boundaries.  For example, I’ll give another this much cake, but not that much cake.  Then, the lesson goes on to say:

Yet you had judged against yourself first, or you would never have imagined that you needed your brothers as they were not. Unless you had seen yourself without love, you could not have judged them so like you in lack.

Then, to the next section on page 314, The Holy Instant and the Laws of God:

You have so little faith in yourself because you are unwilling to accept the fact that perfect love is in you. And so you seek without for what you cannot find without.


God is an idea.


In the holy instant you recognize the idea of love in you, and unite this idea with the Mind that thought it, and could not relinquish it.

Then I began to write about my experience:

I judge the ego/body of myself, guilt arises, then I project the guilt and judge the ego/body of another. I’m believing that because I’m sometimes selfish or annoyed, etc., that it makes me weak or incomplete. That I somehow need to fix myself, or another. I’m believing that the presence of selfishness casts out the presence of perfect love/God. But what if these IDEAS can and do co-exist? It’s only my DECISION to make “selfishness” a “bad” thing and keep it separate from “love” which is a “good” thing. I’m creating these arbitrary boundaries because I think I know something about what’s good & bad, what’s ego & Self.  HA!

I can have an IDEA that I’m a person, separate from other people, and project that idea into physical form to give it some authority of reality. Yet, if “ideas leave not their source“, then the projection can’t be “real”. It just seems so, especially if I keep choosing that idea over another idea – perhaps this – that we’re all created by and out of LOVE, so that we’re not separate “people” at all.  And if that idea comes from God, then it hasn’t left its source and we’re all still IN God. If “God” and “me” and “you” are all, simply, IDEAS, then we’re all the SAME. There’s nothing to JUDGE between!

I create separation and boundaries by judging ideas. In improv theatre, it’s called “blocking.”  Improv becomes very difficult if someone rejects ideas offered by their team-mates.  The flow of the improv is interrupted and the audience feels disappointed when an idea isn’t followed through.  As I’ve personally experienced, it’s also internally disruptive and feels terribly awkward.  Back then, I didn’t understand what was going wrong.  In fact, I just blamed my team-mate for doing a bad job.

Here, now I also understand the Course lesson, “I do not know what anything, including this, means.”  It’s because when I use judgement to arbitrarily separate ideas into categories of “good” and “bad”,  accepting some and rejecting others, this only separates me from source.  If I see it, instead, that I don’t know what these ideas MEAN, then I don’t attempt to categorize, I can just accept them all.  Perfect love means perfect acceptance.  If I accept that perfect love is within me, even when I’m feeling greedy or arrogant or angry, then I can accept the truth in the moment, however it arises, and STILL welcome it with LOVE.  In myself, or in another.

The Course says, on page 316:

In the holy instant God is remembered, and the language of communication with all your brothers is remembered with Him. For communication is remembered together, as is truth. There is no exclusion in the holy instant because the past is gone, and with it goes the whole basis for exclusion. Without its source exclusion vanishes. And this permits your Source, and that of all your brothers, to replace it in your awareness. God and the power of God will take Their rightful place in you, and you will experience the full communication of ideas with ideas. Through your ability to do this you will learn what you must be, for you will begin to understand what your Creator is, and what His creation is along with Him.

Ok… too slippery.  Too much… have to stop thinking about it now.


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It Doesn’t Matter (Part 2)

Posted by Amanda Gray on July 28, 2011

I must clarify a few things from my last article. First, I must mention that everything I post is merely provisional. Provisional, because I may learn something further or refinements to the learning may take place. My access to truth is still biased by perception and what may ‘feel’ like I really GOT it, is more likely a flash of truth, just as it’s hijacked by the ego. Drive by truth. Zooooommm. Are there grains of truth in what I write? I like to think so, particularly when I’m writing from clear inspiration, but since I haven’t realized the ‘essence’ of spirit (with the opening of the third eye), I can’t really expect to discern the wheat from the chaff at this point. I present what I can, the best that I can, and that’s all any of us can do anyway.

Secondly, I wanted to clarify from my last article what ‘doesn’t matter’. What I mean is, specifically, that PERCEPTION and FORM don’t matter. Perceptions via thoughts, feelings, judgements, opinions, etc., and forms via bodies, objects, places, life situations, etc. As I currently understand it, the physical experience is not PERSONAL. Anything that shifts and changes is inconsequential because it’s subject to decision, and many, if not most, decisions are based on random judgements. A person can only make the best choice they can make in the moment, on whatever limited information they have at the time, and then whatever results after that isn’t up to them – so it’s not personal. If I accept that any thought or feeling I have about myself, others, or the world is a random judgement, and if I observe the judgement as it arises, then I can recognize it’s meaninglessness and let it go. For example, if a thought arises that my job is ‘too hard’ and I choose to believe that thought, then I’ve limited my ability to perceive the job as it is. If I continue to believe the job is too hard, I will attempt to justify the belief, collect evidence that backs it up, and the job will, indeed, become too hard.

The beauty of ‘it doesn’t matter’ is that it takes my attention away from all the perceptions and forms that are, of themselves, meaningless, and I can stop attempting to invest arbitrary meaning where there is none. So if I think that my job is too hard, then I might think it ‘means’ that I have to get a different job. If I observe the original thought, then I can decide instead that the job is, more truthfully, sometimes hard and sometimes easy. Then the job means nothing. It just is what it is. A job, to make money, to live.

The main thing I’m clearing up for myself, is that it doesn’t matter what FORM a job takes or how I choose to perceive it.  In the past, I tended to emphasize having to BE something particular and that I needed a particular JOB to justify my worth in the world.  I now see that I can have a job, any job, and still BE worthy because my worth isn’t, in any way, attached to the form.  I now see that I can perceive my work any way I decide to, and I don’t need to attach my personal worth to it.  I can decide that the job meets my objective for the moment – to make money to live – and that’s all it needs to do.


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It Doesn’t Matter (Part 1)

Posted by Amanda Gray on July 21, 2011

I have so much gratitude. So many revelations – miracles – have been shown to me this evening. One of the compensations of spiritual work is that, when you get it, you really GET it! A whole new vista opens up within you; a dimension of liveliness, loveliness and acceptance that feels… blissful.The Razor''s Edge

I watched the movie “The Razor’s Edge” yesterday.  (The photo and link are to the original story by W. Somerset Maugham.)  It’s a very spiritual movie, but its messages are exceptionally subtle. So subtle, that the first three times I watched it, I didn’t understand, but this time, the actions of the main character (Bill Murray) finally made sense to me. Another character does something horrible, but all he says is, “It doesn’t matter.” What could he mean? How can it not matter?

But it’s true. I get it. It truly doesn’t matter. None of it. This entire world and all of its participants – none of it MEANS anything. It’s only a thought that thinks it means something. Only a thought that ‘decides’ whether something is good or bad, right or wrong, likeable or detestable. And I don’t have to believe the thought. I don’t have to believe ANY thought. NO thoughts are true. When a feeling arises, it’s just an energy being released in that form (anger, fear, grief). I don’t have to believe it MEANS anything. It doesn’t. NO feelings are true.

The other day, I went out with my Mom. The entire day, I struggled with judgements and grievances. It seemed that all day, we just couldn’t communicate, and couldn’t decide together on anything. I wanted one thing, and she wanted something else. What can you do when each wants something different and no compromise is possible? I watched my thoughts carefully all day, recognized my resistances, surrendered my judgements, and at the end of the day, I recognized something truly significant. When I wanted something but then couldn’t get my way, I would blame my Mom for ruining my PEACE. I tried every way to Timbuktu to project the blame on her – but it wasn’t her. It was me. Holding the desire was ruining my OWN peace. Being in resistance ruined my OWN peace. It could’ve been a very nice day – but within me, I resisted and struggled. Me. All me. Outwardly, everything was fine. There was nothing to complain about. Does it matter if it’s ‘her’ way or ‘my’ way… if, in truth, we’re ONE, and that there is only, in truth, ONE way?

Today I started a new job. It was very physically taxing, and I’m not fit at the moment, so it was a real challenge. Like Adyashanti often recommends, I simply accepted everything just as it was. If I was tired, I accepted being tired. If my head hurt or my neck was stiff, I accepted it. I thoroughly enjoyed working with the team, and I accepted each person in each moment, just as they were, and whatever they were contributing. (Of course, it’s generally pretty easy to do that with complete strangers.) I accepted the job as it was, even though, normally, as a very lazy girl, I wouldn’t put myself out that much. Normally, I’d resist and make excuses to get out of doing things I didn’t want to do. I took one of the tougher jobs and gave it everything I had. When I wanted to trade out of that particular position, but was assigned to continue, I accepted it. What I learned at the end of the day is this: if it truly doesn’t matter what’s happening or what I’m doing, I can just do the best I can, I don’t need to worry about the results, and I can believe that I have everything I need to do the job. If I decide I CAN do it – then I CAN.

Today, I also learned that when a truth is revealed, it can be enjoyed in the moment and then soon forgotten, or it can be integrated into my life, thereby making it a PERMANENT transformation. I learned yesterday, from that movie, that all this stuff of nonsense just doesn’t matter, I integrated that into my day today, and all the hard work was made light.

It just doesn’t matter. Thank God!


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Dream Interpretation

Posted by Amanda Gray on July 18, 2011

The interpretation of dreams leads to the understanding of the activities of the unconscious mind.  That’s the line that Jesus took, and, in fact, made that line the whole basis of A Course in Miracles.  Because, whether you know it or not, Jesus was a Freudian.  The whole thought system of the ego in the Course is directly based on the work of Freud.

~ Ken Wapnick, from A Course in Miracles, The Movie

When I dream at night, all the characters are fragments of my own fractured mind.  When I wake up, I, unknowingly, continue to dream, and the people I encounter in my so-called ‘real’ life are also mere fragments of my fractured mind.  There are no ‘others’ out there.  There is no ‘world’ out there.  It’s all in ME.  Every place, thing, and person I encounter are all pieces of ME.  Generally, we lend very little importance to our dreams at night, unless we use them to learn about the activities of our unconscious. Just as well, there is little importance to the dream of the ‘real’ world, except for what it teaches us about the self we seek to separate and hide deep in the fractured mind.

Just as dream symbols in a dream can be interpreted to discover the activities of the unconscious mind, so can the symbols of our ‘real’ life.  For example, I’ve had an ongoing issue with acne around my mouth and on my chin.  Over many years, I’ve tried several methods of curing the problem, but nothing has worked.  In January, I linked it to a dairy allergy and quit eating all dairy products.  The problem subsided for a short time, but returned and persists still.  If I look at the problem as a symbol, I recognize:

  1. Mouth = speaking, singing, sharing ideas and inspiration, communicating with others, being heard, accepting nourishment.
  2. Skin = boundary of the body, separation from others and from the world, touch, feeling, intimacy.
  3. Dairy = nourishment, pleasure, mother’s milk – acceptance of nurturance, caring and love from my mom, from others, and, ultimately, from God.

If I have believed that I’m unworthy of love, or that I need to be heard, but no one is listening, then suffering will be created from those negative, unconscious thoughts.  Suffering arrived as acne around my mouth.  It’s right up front on my face, can’t be ignored, and I’ve been super embarrassed and self-conscious about it.  My embarrassment has inclined me to keep my mouth shut, so I don’t draw attention.  Therefore, the number one goal of the ego, to maintain separation and block communication, has been successful.

The good news, is that once unconscious beliefs are brought to the ‘light’ – accepted consciously – they lose all their power.  Now I can give myself a choice.  I can continue to believe in crap, and suffer, or I can simply stop believing, and be free.  As I become one with all the parts of myself, accepting and connecting to others and the world without judgement; and as I open my mouth to communicate freely, and joyfully with trust, the ego weakens and must, eventually, disappear all-together.  And suffering (the acne) must disappear too.  This is what I believe, and so it must be, and it is.

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A Course in Miracles - The Movie

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