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    Msg  #  :  10287 – Sunday July 17th From   :  STORMBRINGER SOULSTEALER To         :  ALL Topic    :  STAR TREK Hi, I never explained this on the summary so I better here (for those of you playing Star Trek for the first time)……………………… STR: Strength INT: Intelligence DEX: Dexterity END: Endurance CHA: Charisma LUC: Luck PSI: […]

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    IT’S LATE, CAN’T TALK

    =====[  Dragon World  ]=====[  7-20-88  ]=====[  10:42.42  ]===== Msg  #  :  Private From    :  LONGSHOT  . To         :   A VAZDRU PRINCESS Topic    :  IT’S LATE, CAN’T TALK I think I cracked a knuckle. I ruined my apartment. The place is trash ’ed. I feel like scum-dirt. Worst night of my life, and just after the […]

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Posts Tagged ‘challenge’

A Formula for Life

Posted by Amanda Gray on June 25, 2014

Tremendous bit of news to start: I moved to the most beautiful place on Earth!  I am now living in the stunning and mind-blowing Pacific Northwest city of Vancouver!

Vancouver Seawall

Yippee!!

Getting here, mind you, has been a challenging exercise, and the city hasn’t quite opened it’s great arms to my full participation yet.  I’ve been applying energy in every direction I can think of; dipping my toes into a wide assortment of potential activities, tippy-toeing down myriad paths of possibility for groups and collaboration; and after 2 months, I still haven’t quite got my groove on. 

The main thing, of course, is for some income. My mom and I have both been bleeding green for months now. I keep reiterating that it can’t go on like this forever, that money has to flow back to us eventually. It’s the fundamental nature of energy.  It’s science. It’s truth. And yet, every day continues to show itself as another day of spending, spending, spending. Yikes!  Ok. Fine. I repeat my favourite mantra; TRUST. I have to trust.  Everything is being taken care of.  Worrying about it will make no difference.  The energy will move when it does, and not a second sooner.  But it’s wearing on me – on us.  And we’ve had many, many moments of anger, and disagreement, and fear, and frustration, and tears, to tangle with, then to release, discuss, and forgive.  So, if nothing else, we’ve certainly been doing our spiritual work!  Continuous and ongoing!

I had one job interview.  Only one – but it’s a super good one – for a job I would REALLY enjoy.  At a gorgeous new arts centre close to home.  I don’t think I could do much better – it aligns so clearly with all the aspects of work I’d want. It finally seems that I’m ready to clear away some majorly dysfunctional divisions in my mind, and, in particular, an idea that I could have a Mc.job that paid the rent OR I could have creative work that I wanted, but never both. This idea kept me in jobs that I didn’t much like, always craving to be someplace else, but never able to get to that mythic holy land of creative fulfilment. If I created or performed, it was a hobby, enjoyable and collaborative, but short-lived, and almost always zero budget. If I earned income, it’s often been with repetitive functions, with little opportunity for creative expression or collaboration with others, and, usually, short-lived as well.  You see, because I was never truly committed to either side.  Both sides presented some difficulty or danger.  I get money, but sell my soul – I express myself creatively, but starve to death.  Jeesh!

Well, now I’m finished with all that nonsense.  Now I’m simply asking for EVERYTHING I want.  I want work I can approach with my WHOLE MIND.  My logical, analytical, technological left brain AND my playful, creative, spontaneous right brain – all together for the first time in my life!  I want to collaborate creatively with others, take responsibility for a bigger picture, use technology to organize data and create networks, and to challenge, play and evolve every day with something vivid, fresh and delightful!  This word – evolution – it’s a PARTY in my mind right now – I want to EVOLVE in every direction all at ONCE!!  I feel ready to push through all barriers of dualistic thinking, and move in a whole new way – EVERY WAY – ALL WAYS!

As I recently created an infographic resume (using easel.ly), I developed a motto for my work – actually – in fact, it’s more of a formula that encapsulates my recent philosophy of life.  It goes like this:

 

care + attention = excellence

 

This simple formula can be applied anytime, anywhere, with any thing, person, object, goal or activity.  In every way.  In all ways.  It will always ensure the same result.  It’s science.  It’s truth.  It’s the formula for my life now.  Income, or no income – all I need is to look around me – at the stunning creation that’s springing to existence in this marvellous city at every remarkable moment – to nod an acknowledgement to it’s shining divinity – to bow in awe at it’s unknowable, vast, tumult – it’s light-speed velocity – and remember that I am ONE with it.  I can’t be left behind.  When I open up, relax and go with the flow; give this moment, every moment, my full care and attention; allow myself to expand, expand, and expand some more; then the excellence of life surrounds me, invites and welcomes, and embraces me.  Ahhhh….

 

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A LOVE Road Trip

Posted by Amanda Gray on September 27, 2011

I finished my seasonal bee farm job and went straight into a new adventure – driving to Arizona to see the last lecture from one of my most favourite teachers of enlightenment, Dr. David R. Hawkins.  I’d never driven that far by myself and I had many fears going into it, but spirit prepared me with two lessons for the journey: “Don’t be afraid” and “trust your brothers”.  As it happened, that was all I needed to remember.

Every time I got into a driving challenge – like having to pass a huge house in the middle of the road, in the pouring rain, with one windshield wiper – I just remembered, “Don’t be afraid.”  When the road became narrow, and winding, and unexpectedly taking me on a ‘scenic route’ up a mountain in Utah, I remembered, “Don’t be afraid.”  When I got to Salt Lake City in rush hour, so fatigued I wasn’t sure I could make it one more inch, I remembered, “Don’t be afraid.”

Although I had maps available on my cell phone, I only used a general highway map of the US, and then asked people for specific directions along the way – as well as asking for inner guidance as much as possible.  When I asked someone for directions, I simply trusted them to guide me truly and they usually did.  Trusting the directions from others got me directly to my destination about 99% of the time.

As I arrived at Salt Lake City, I stopped at the tourist information booth for help to get my campsite.  The tourist information guy said to take exit 310, but as I checked my AAA campsite book, it said to take exit 308.  Oh no, what should I trust?  Well, inner guidance saved the day.  Exit 310 looked a little too industrial, and I couldn’t get over to the right lane, so I passed it.  At exit 308, I got off, and found myself on another highway going the other direction.  What???  In a panic, I immediately exited.  I saw a Shell station, and decided to get gas and then figure out where to go from there.  Fortunately, the gas pump wouldn’t work (I have no zip code to enter!), so I had to go into the store to talk to the attendant.  While there, I asked for directions.  Miracle!  The K.O.A. was only 5 blocks straight up the street.  Wow!

The Course in Miracles has a lesson: I am under no laws but God’s.  Well, apparently, I’m under no MAPS but God’s too!

There were a couple of times when I couldn’t figure out what to do next.  I was simply too tired, stressed, and couldn’t think straight.  At those points, I simply had to stop, take a breath, and say to myself, “I don’t know what to do.”  My mind would be empty for a moment, and then, the very next thought would solve the entire problem, with almost no effort on my part.  Those were total miracle moments!

My three-day journey to Prescott, Arizona was challenging and stressful, but also wonderful and peaceful.  I had all the inner resources necessary, and then anything else I needed was easily and presently obtained.  In Prescott, I got to catch up with many good friends, and see the most loving Dr. Hawkins one last time.  The abundant love energy in the room was so profound… I cried almost the whole time.  I met a few other lovely people throughout the day, and thoroughly enjoyed myself!

On Sunday, as my main cohort scattered in various directions, I felt uncertain about what to do next.  There was no need to return home at any particular time, so I thought I might travel around some more, but no specific invitation or guidance materialized.  I consulted my US map, but it offered no help either. I was looking for an alternative route to take me up through British Columbia, but the only decent alternative was along the coast, which was much too far out of my way.  The only place that wasn’t out-of-the-way, was Las Vegas.  I hadn’t been there since 1995, so I decided it would be a fun side journey.

A black car without air conditioning is totally masochistic in Nevada.  Just sayin’.  And the Interstate 40 is certainly the busiest highway in the States.  Regardless, it was a short and simple five-hour drive.  I was pleasantly surprised to find free, covered parking at the Treasure Island hotel and signed up for one night.  (Now that I look back, for the measly few hours I stayed in my room, I should’ve just slept in my car.)  I had some nice Vietnamese food for dinner, walked around for a while, chatted with some lovely people, and then took in the Cirque du Soleil LOVE show.  Love was the theme that week, after all.  It was a spectacular show and worth every minute and every dollar I spent.

I awoke early the next morning.  Ahh… what to do, where to go?  I thought I would spend most of the day in Vegas, but suddenly, I couldn’t think of a single thing I still wanted to do there.  There were no matinée shows, nothing I cared to eat, no shopping I needed to do, and no more sites I cared to see.  I was in the greatest adult playground in the world, and I was BORED!  All I wanted was to go HOME.

I made a beeline to the Interstate 15 and gum-booted ‘er.  The trip up was far more difficult than the trip down.  I was tired and sick, and I was resistant to all the hours and miles that were now just in the way.  I didn’t want to drive anymore.  Ah, well.  More challenges, more lessons, and, in the end, I arrived home no worse for wear.

Yes, it was a grand adventure.  Adventures, of course, by definition, come with ups and downs.  I was stretched, mulched, and freed in all kinds of ways.  Am I a little less fearful driving in strange places?  Definitely.  Am I more trusting of strangers?  Yes.  Am I more trusting of my Self?  Amen and hallelujah!  Am I richer with LOVE in my heart? Certainly.  Have I let go of a few attachments and comforts?  Yup.  Then I am successful and accomplished.  Yippee!

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It Doesn’t Matter (Part 1)

Posted by Amanda Gray on July 21, 2011

I have so much gratitude. So many revelations – miracles – have been shown to me this evening. One of the compensations of spiritual work is that, when you get it, you really GET it! A whole new vista opens up within you; a dimension of liveliness, loveliness and acceptance that feels… blissful.The Razor''s Edge

I watched the movie “The Razor’s Edge” yesterday.  (The photo and link are to the original story by W. Somerset Maugham.)  It’s a very spiritual movie, but its messages are exceptionally subtle. So subtle, that the first three times I watched it, I didn’t understand, but this time, the actions of the main character (Bill Murray) finally made sense to me. Another character does something horrible, but all he says is, “It doesn’t matter.” What could he mean? How can it not matter?

But it’s true. I get it. It truly doesn’t matter. None of it. This entire world and all of its participants – none of it MEANS anything. It’s only a thought that thinks it means something. Only a thought that ‘decides’ whether something is good or bad, right or wrong, likeable or detestable. And I don’t have to believe the thought. I don’t have to believe ANY thought. NO thoughts are true. When a feeling arises, it’s just an energy being released in that form (anger, fear, grief). I don’t have to believe it MEANS anything. It doesn’t. NO feelings are true.

The other day, I went out with my Mom. The entire day, I struggled with judgements and grievances. It seemed that all day, we just couldn’t communicate, and couldn’t decide together on anything. I wanted one thing, and she wanted something else. What can you do when each wants something different and no compromise is possible? I watched my thoughts carefully all day, recognized my resistances, surrendered my judgements, and at the end of the day, I recognized something truly significant. When I wanted something but then couldn’t get my way, I would blame my Mom for ruining my PEACE. I tried every way to Timbuktu to project the blame on her – but it wasn’t her. It was me. Holding the desire was ruining my OWN peace. Being in resistance ruined my OWN peace. It could’ve been a very nice day – but within me, I resisted and struggled. Me. All me. Outwardly, everything was fine. There was nothing to complain about. Does it matter if it’s ‘her’ way or ‘my’ way… if, in truth, we’re ONE, and that there is only, in truth, ONE way?

Today I started a new job. It was very physically taxing, and I’m not fit at the moment, so it was a real challenge. Like Adyashanti often recommends, I simply accepted everything just as it was. If I was tired, I accepted being tired. If my head hurt or my neck was stiff, I accepted it. I thoroughly enjoyed working with the team, and I accepted each person in each moment, just as they were, and whatever they were contributing. (Of course, it’s generally pretty easy to do that with complete strangers.) I accepted the job as it was, even though, normally, as a very lazy girl, I wouldn’t put myself out that much. Normally, I’d resist and make excuses to get out of doing things I didn’t want to do. I took one of the tougher jobs and gave it everything I had. When I wanted to trade out of that particular position, but was assigned to continue, I accepted it. What I learned at the end of the day is this: if it truly doesn’t matter what’s happening or what I’m doing, I can just do the best I can, I don’t need to worry about the results, and I can believe that I have everything I need to do the job. If I decide I CAN do it – then I CAN.

Today, I also learned that when a truth is revealed, it can be enjoyed in the moment and then soon forgotten, or it can be integrated into my life, thereby making it a PERMANENT transformation. I learned yesterday, from that movie, that all this stuff of nonsense just doesn’t matter, I integrated that into my day today, and all the hard work was made light.

It just doesn’t matter. Thank God!

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